Excuse me

Just the other day, I received a frantic call from one of my friend’s, ‘Hey, guess what I have found this new weight loss guru, who with very little exercise and practically no diet will make me slim.’ Now, I have been there, where you run to practically everyone from doctors to roadside vendors selling miracle drugs, in the hopes that they are going to make you slim. Now, the point to note here is the use of the phrase ‘make you slim’ rather than ‘ lose some weight’. This means when somebody tells you, ‘oh, you could lose some weight’, it actually means you’d probably lose a couple of kilos and feel good about yourself. However, ‘when somebody says, ‘I’ll make you slim’ it means you are going to be slim. So all of you out there just remember have people said to you that you are going to lose weight or have they said you will be slim.

Coming back to the phone call, I tried to persuade my girlfriend to stay clearin to her. We all know, even those trying to fool themselves, that there are no quick fixes, no free luncheons (i wish there were, I’d go to each one of those), and anyway, who was this women marketing her weight loss therapy or whatever it was like this. If it were the olden days they would have called her a witch, actually a fat witch, although she isn’t really fat.

My friend didn’t budge and finally decided to go with this fat witch. I knew she would come crying back to me about a new failed weight-loss relationship. And I would have to be there, to clear the mess, which actually means to sit with her, soothe her down and eat ice cream. So basically we both would have gained another few kilos. I am already dreading it.

After about six months, I got a call from my friend, and she wanted to meet up over a cup of coffee. I knew what was in store for me. So I decided to go in  with the ‘I am there for you’ expression rather than ‘i told you so’, I so badly wanted to say I told you so, but friends don’t do things like that, bloody friends code. And I knew she would feel better with Radhika around so I decided to let my little monster tag along with me.

When I entered the coffee shop, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My friend had actually lost so much weight, that she was now officially in the slim category. My knees weakened, I could not walk any further. I was really happy for her, but I am only human. I couldn’t stop thinking, WHAT she lost all the weight, WHAT she is looking amazing, WHAT her skin looks so much better than mine, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT. I felt terrible  within and as if this was not enough, my little one had to open her mouth. She said to my friend’ we really need to go shopping for mum, so she can look pretty like you.’ aaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh…I wanted to scream but I was really happy for my friend.

Yes, there was the exercise and the diet, but what was most important was, that the results were achievable and quick. And yes, my friend couldn’t escape the ordeal of drinking gallons of water everyday. Looks like, the fat witch turned out to be a fat angel.

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